Letting go of Fear with Love
“Deep down, at our cores, there are only two emotions: love and fear”
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross
Love and fear, I feel are the two fundamental, primary emotions. Anything we feel or do can be attributed to either one of these emotions. A lot of times, I will ask my clients whether they are coming from a place of love or fear, a sense of abundance or scarcity. I have found that a simple question like this can help ground us and give us clarity as to what is actually driving us. More often than not, a lot of us are driven by fear. The question to ask is what are you afraid of? When we are afraid of something or someone, we seek to destroy it. When we are afraid of losing something, instinct is to tighten our grip on it. When we are afraid of losing control, it’s easy to become domineering. Fear in general prevents us from showing up and doing the things we want to do. When you find yourself getting angry, jealous, resentful, pause and dig deeper, what are you fearful of?
I feel, a lot of us, if we do not check ourselves, come from a place of fear. Without realising, many of us do things because we are trying to avoid an outcome instead of trying to create an outcome. For example, we study to avoid failure or shame of not doing well. We exercise to avoid getting fat and we control what we eat to keep slim (at least I do!) We keep deadlines to prevent any punishment. We people-please, so that we are not rejected or abandoned or disliked.
If we were driven by love and this includes love for oneself, we would study because we like it or we are going to use this knowledge for good. We would exercise because we love our body and our organs and recognise how hard they are working. We would eat well for the same reason. We would keep deadlines because we love our projects. We would care about what we think of ourselves above what others think of us.
When we come from a space of love, we move towards something we want: we create. When we come from a space of fear, we move away from something we don’t want: we react. Love creates, releases, breeds cooperation and takes action. While fear destroys, tightens, breeds domination and makes one stand back and hesitate.
Love and fear are opposites. Love breeds positive emotions such as joy, peace and satisfaction. Fear on the other hand breeds negative emotions like anger, guilt and sadness.
“If we’re in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we’re in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear.”
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler
Since you cannot feel both love and fear at the same time, you are going to have to actively choose one or the other. And since many of us would rather be in a place of love than a place of fear, we have to actively choose to be in that place rather than allowing fear to take over.
How do we then live our lives from a space of love?
Since love creates, begin with the end in mind:
What does a “loving” version of you look like? What does a version “that believes in abundance and that there was enough for everybody” look like? What would the most “generous” version of you look like? What would you do if you were not afraid? How would you approach life without fear?
Be aware of your fear
What fearful thoughts do you have? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by anything in particular? Understanding your fears and your fearful thoughts will help as you work to dispel them.
Create your thoughts
Your thoughts have power. Love or fear stem from your thoughts. So, create thoughts and beliefs that support you and get you to a place of love and abundance. Thoughts and beliefs that support your most “loving” version, your most “generous” version.
Whenever, you find yourself reacting, ask yourself, which one is driving you, fear or love. Then, recognise your fear and the thoughts behind it, reach in for thoughts and beliefs that get you to a place of love and then, choose to take action from a place of love.